by Mark W. Kness
We humans don’t like saying goodbye to anything– not to people we love and care about, not to pets we love and care about, not to clothes that look like a disaster, but feel good when we wear them, not to the buildings we have lived in and called home, not to the heaps we have driven and called automobiles, not to the times and eras we have lived in and relished. Saying goodbye is painful...it hurts, sometimes badly. Saying goodbye means we are admitting to ourselves that something is over with and done. “It is no more,” as it was said in an old Monty Python television sketch.
My girlfriend and I traveled to my hometown in Iowa recently to visit my elderly parents and two adult sisters. Since I live in Colorado, I’m unable to get home to visit family as often as I’d like (and our family is a close-knit bunch) so my visits home I cherish and value greatly. On this last visit, I wanted to spend time with all of the family, but I placed a premium on spending time with my dad, because my dad has been diagnosed with dementia, and that dementia is more than likely Alzheimer’s Disease. My dad was not diagnosed with Alzheimer's with one hundred percent certainty, but then, Alzheimer's can’t be diagnosed with one hundred percent certainty. In all likelihood, he has it, and I am so sad. What makes me the most sad about the situation is that all of us who love and care about my dad are saying goodbye to him, or at least, goodbye to memories of him when he was vibrant and active and alive.
For those who are unfamiliar with Alzheimer’s Disease, (it’s difficult to imagine in the year 2011 that Alzheimer’s would be unfamiliar to anyone) it is a progressive and irreversible brain disease which robs a person of their cognitive functions– thinking, remembering and reasoning– to the point where that person's everyday life and behavior changes. There are no certain estimates of how many people in the United States have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease, but experts have suggested that as many as 5.1 million Americans may be suffering from it. There is no known cure, and no known single cause of Alzheimer's, (although scientists generally believe that a combination of genetics, lifestyle and a person's environment could be contributing factors) but doctors do know what a brain of a person suffering from Alzheimer's looks like, with numerous clumps of plaque, and tangled bundles of fibers present in the Alzheimer's-affected areas. There is also a loss of connection between the nerve cells of the brain. The affected areas of the brain then begin to shrink and die.
Alzheimer's symptoms usually show up after the age of sixty, but by that time when the symptoms first show up, the disease may have been present in the brain for ten to twenty years. The first sign of Alzheimer's is usually problems with memory. Some of you reading this might be thinking "There are times I forget things-- do I have Alzheimer's?" or from a different angle,"Everybody has things that they don't remember, that doesn't mean that they have Alzheimer's!" Many people have memory problems, and a portion of those who have those memory problems have a condition called Mild Cognitive Impairment or MCI-- those who have MCI have above normal problems with memory, and yet their condition is not as severe as someone who has Alzheimer's. More people with MCI than without it go on to develop Alzheimer's. An Alzheimer's patient has more severe and frequent memory problems that show up in examples like getting lost, unable to handle money or pay bills, repeating questions, poor judgement, taking longer to complete daily tasks, and mood and personality changes.
In the case of my dad, his condition was diagnosed early, after he displayed memory loss, confusion, and had begun repeating questions, all symptoms that were atypical of his personality. After an examination, he was prescribed with Aricept, a brand name for Donepezil, which helps with his memory and thinking, and it causes him to be less anxious. He knows the name of family members and friends, and enjoys his days watching the world. Honestly, I would rather have his attitude about life than the one I've had the past decade.
Dad will have Alzheimer's Disease the rest of his days, but he is at least comfortable, and that is all a family can ask. It is still hard, though, for my family to accept this reality-- we remember the dad who was the mail carrier, the dad who could fix anything (we actually had a book in the house by that title), the Sunday school teacher and church elder, the scoutmaster, the carpenter who made beautiful furniture, and the woodcarver. I remember when he took me fishing, cheered for me when I played Little League baseball, calmed me down when I saw and heard for the first time an honor guard fire their rifles on Memorial Day, and rubbed Butch Wax into my hair every Sunday morning when I was a boy. He still has the best sense of humor of anyone I know, and can find the humor that life presents us.
Having a loved one with Alzheimer's Disease doesn't have to be defeating for that person. A nutritious diet, physical activity, social engagement, and mentally stimulating pursuits for the person you care about might help reduce the effects of Alzheimer's or any other form of dementia. My dad's situation was diagnosed early, he is on the appropriate medication, and his condition is monitored, so he and my family have been fortunate. Through research studies, and the work of organizations such as the National Institute on Aging, we know much more about Alzheimer's Disease than we did thirty years ago. Information related to Alzheimer's Disease is available for families, caregivers, and professionals on diagnosis, treatment, patient care, caregiver needs, long-term care, education and training and research, and can make the Alzheimer's patient's transition easier.
Saying goodbye to those memories of how your loved one used to be doesn't have to be under the control of some disease.
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